It is night one of losing my beloved boyfriend, not that I lost him, more I left him. We kissed passionately the night we parted, such a dreaded kiss yet beautiful for I had longed to kiss him for weeks.  I had no idea the next kiss, would be the last. His heart so fragile and warm, though his cold stoned façade could fool just anyone. Which, most people to him would be just that for his love and any sort of attention was only shared with those who matter. Outside the family not too many others held high importance and from this we connected. Two seemingly lost souls became lost souls together, which I believe were created to journey this world together. How much easier and more interesting to learn this world with one eye who sees unnecessary detail and the other who sees the greater purpose, much easier I’d say. The love I developed for this boy, slowly becoming a man, became so strong over a small period of time.  Experience taught me to view men a particular way, he taught me my view distorted though it seemed, was correct and incorrect simultaneously. He turned my world upside down for that small period of time. Emotions, Love, Hope and Strength grew as our relationship grew like an Oak with the foundation set. How I long to kiss his lips, so innocent and true, nothing like any lips I’ve kissed before. His eyes, how I could stare into them for days at a time and get lost in his world that I only began to exist in. As I sat in my car soon to drive away not knowing whether I’d ever be parked where I was at that moment ever again, I grabbed his hand with no intention of letting go.  The moment had passed and I could feel in my entire being he was slipping from my view. I drove away emotionless and regretting my previous decision to let him go. I drove. As I was saying, my first night or technically morning since it is five-thirty a.m. I wonder what occupies his time this night as I lie here thinking of him. How many more nights will I Lie here and ponder that thought? Does he ponder the same? Oddly enough, something so bitter, sweet the strength I had to make that decision solely came from the respect grown that he showed me. He showed me with his love, which hidden as it was, could be seen a mile away. The glow we shared as we walked through the hallway at work or family events shown above all else. The trueness and innocence in the love we shared, two people from two opposite lifestyles, somehow managed to acquire the same huge heart under our separate facades we so happily show. No two people that I have ever met could be so fit together, like puzzle pieces scattered but with metal and magnets to find each fit. For that’s what it was that brought us together some magnetic pull from the universe or God, whatever your beliefs, it was something magical. I pray he finds the strength as I did to let him go, to fight for me, which I fear he may not. The exhaustion consumes me with the thought of morning coming so soon and still half of “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” left to watch. Until next morning or night, goodnight.

5:40 AM

On Aug. 5 my life, love, and constant family died. Kimberly Sue DiMario. Although I still struggle throughout the day at some point God allows me happiness, joy, and love! For that first month of her being gone My heart froze over and I became a robot. Drinking my sorrows or more so drinking to feel my sorrow and going absolutely the wrong direction.. its too late tonight to continue wanted to update will later :)

Baby, I thought that we were it, cause baby we were the shit

But what you put me through and said you would do

Showed me that you werent true, to me

You put selfess before our love and now that we are torn

i told you i was scared but loved you anyway

gave you my heart and soul, and still you didnt know the way:

I loved you everyday, gave you my everything and even when

you stopped I loved you even more

The only thing left was my hand and that you know

i was saving for you, but still  you couldnt be true

 iwasn't enough you to hld on to me

but dont forget about me, the girl you loved truly

blah blah .. had a good song and cant remember lyrics at all